The Birds and The Bees By: Danielle Murphy June 21, 2020
Proverbs 1:1-7, KJV “The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel: To know wisdom and discipline, to comprehend words of insight, to receive instruction in wise living, in righteousness, justice, and equity, to impart prudence to the simple, a knowledge and discretion to the young—let the wise listen and gain instruction and the discerning to acquire wise counsel—to understand the proverbs and parables, the sayings and riddles of the wise. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.”
When I was growing up, the topic of sex was never brought up to me by my mom. I was a rather private person anyway and the topic made me uncomfortable so that suited me just fine. I inevitably learned about the subject, but it was through my peers and a secular worldview at school in physical education class. Coming from my peers and the world, I learned unstable, backwards ways to a world God had intended to be pure, monogamous and pleasurable.
Does the topic of sex come up between you and your children? The whole book of Proverbs is written with the youth in mind. Many times it reference “my son” and pleads with him to choose wisdom and follow the right way. One of the subjects covered more than a few times is sex and the idea of remaining pure and undefiled by the “loose woman’’ (Proverbs 29:3). Why then should we not also breach this important subject with our own children?
By the grace of God my oldest child, a girl, has made this topic very easy for me to cover. She comes to me often with questions and has since she was four years old. I speak freely with her about my past and the mistakes I have made as well as the pleasure and goodness of being in a loving healthy relationship.
It may be harder for you to have this kind of a conversation with your child if they are more bashful, but nonetheless it needs to be said. Your child will come across this information at some point in their life and you want it to be from a godly perspective rather than from the devil. Many of us know just how much the devil has used this topic to destroy and defile many—maybe even ourselves at one point. So I encourage you to begin this dialogue with your child, keeping it light hearted at first so that they at least know they can come to you with questions when they have them continue to bring up the topic every now and again as they allow you to, keeping it on the surface at first but not being afraid to be frank either.
Yesterday during our conversation, my ten-year-old daughter and I came to a conclusion—she will fail to some degree. Years ago, when I was devouring every parenting book I came across, the Holy Spirit spoke very clearly to me and said, “You will not be perfect, you will fail.’’ That knocked the wind out of my sails for a moment but it was what I needed to hear. Some of us may have had a dark past sexually and now have greater hopes and expectations for our own children and that is a wonderful desire. Only do not allow the devil to get ahold of that idea and beat you up when your expectations are not met by them. Give grace and understanding, plead with your children to remain pure. Warn them about the evils that come to many in regards to this topic, be frank with them about our fleshly desires and how so often they lead to our devastation and destruction and then offer grace.
As much as we want our children to be able to come to us concerning this subject, we need to be just as willing to offer grace and counsel when they screw up, and they will screw up. But just like our heavenly Father, we need to be there with our arms wide open, ready to walk them through healing and restoration instead of beat them up with our pride and disappointment.