Blended Family Series - Life Stories Robert W. Brock, Jr.
In order to have a blended family, it must also mean that a family is separated. This process is difficult for everyone involved including other family members who are a part of the affect person’s extended family. Imagine being parent and watching your child go through this process? How could you support them and how can you deal with you own emotions as you see it happening? To help us look at this topic further we will read a Life Story from Robert W. Brock Jr. Robert witnessed his son go through this very process and as a result has some very good insight on what a person can do when they see their loved one going through the process.
This is one of the hardest issues of my life to write about. My children have always meant the world to me, and I love each of them more than anything in the world, and would have given my life for any of them. I have so many wonderful memories of each of them, as they were growing up which I will cherish forever. Most fathers, I am sure are like me as I only wanted the best for them, and my main focus in life has been to give them all that I could to make them a success, in whatever they did, and provide for them and protect them and show my love for them. My goal in life was to be an example for them and hope that they would follow my example and my wife’s example. We have always taught them that God was important in their life and we have always taught them that God was first in our lives and hoped that they would see that God should be first in their life also. I only wanted the best for each of them and to give them the foundation to build their own lives on. In my family I had never experienced any close members of my family that had faced a broken marriage, and had no knowledge of the devastating effect it could have on me, nor had I seen the effect it could have on a family. When my youngest son came to me that morning and told me that he and his wife were ending their marriage after 14 years and having had two precious children, and that she was leaving him for another man, I did not know how to react. I had always known how to handle any situation in my own life, in my business career and in my own family, and always had known what to do to correct any situation. But, in this situation, I did not know what to do. My first instinct was to try to get involved and work with them to resolve the situation, but finding out quickly that this was not possible, I started to think about and blame her for leaving him. I became angry, and after talking to her parents who were also very upset with her, I believe both families fed off each other for a week or so, sharing our anger to each other about this situation. I had thoughts about what part my son had played in the situation, and if he had been doing his part to keep the marriage together. However, none of these seemed to provide an answer. As the days passed both families had gotten together several times, and each time our thoughts would turn to trying to find out who to blame and eventually we began to place the blame on the man who my son’s wife had left him for. We wondered what kind of man could start pursuing a married woman and break up a marriage where children were involved. My thoughts, and her parents thoughts, were angry thoughts about him. Unfortunately, I let my emotions get the best of me, as well as her parents, and I reacted by talking to my son about this and trying to tell him what to do. I handled this very badly with my son, as all my anger was directed to his wife and the man she was leaving him for. This is probably the worst thing I could have done, as I was taking my anger out on him in the way I was talking about his wife and the man that had broken up the marriage, even though I did not mean to. I should have been coming beside him and being more supportive to him, instead of trying to make his wife and the man the bad guys. I will never forget how my son reacted when I was displaying the anger I had at his wife and the other man. He was the calm one and told me to stop talking about them in that way. He was so wise and so true in what he was saying, and looking back at the situation, it was the way that I should have reacted as well. That day my son taught me a lesson that I should already have known and that is, anger is not the answer, but love is. Although I have since apologized to him and he has accepted my apology, for this one time in my life I truly did not know what to do in this situation to save their marriage. I felt helpless for the first time in my life, which was new to me as all throughout my business career and my family, I had never encountered a situation which I could not correct and handle. In retrospect, a broken marriage is one of the most devastating events any man or family will ever face as it is not only the husband and wife that is affected, but the children that are affected. Not only that, but all other members of both the immediate families are affected, in so many different ways. Lives are changed and everything is not the same anymore. Whoever is reading this I urge you, don’t let the anger you might have build up and become a hinderance to either the husband or wife that is going through this situation. Anger is not the answer and will not be a help, but will become an obstacle to any future involvement. Throughout this difficult situation I am so extremely proud of my son, and the Godly man he has become. He handled this situation as I should have handled it. Maybe he had learned from my wife and I as he was growing up that showing love is always better than anger. He had demonstrated it throughout his life through both his words and actions. I hope that no one ever has to face this situation as the love I had for my son was all that was on my mind, and to see him hurting and not knowing what to do to help him, was the worst thing that had ever happened to me during my life. Not knowing how I could correct the situation was something I had never been used to. The final outcome of what has happened is that both my son and his wife have moved on and both have remarried. They have a very good relationship with both their new families and their children have adjusted well as they have new brothers and sisters also. Although it is not what we had planned for our son and his wife they have both gotten through it, and they both, along with the children, are enjoying their lives with their new families.